HOW TO BE THE MOST INTERESTING WOMAN IN THE ROOM
to pique curiosity or interest; holding or catching the attention.
aroused by curiosity by seeking new experiences, ideas, and perspectives, to create and change your world for the better.
You may be asking “why the vocabulary lesson?”. Many believe these two words are interchangeable and seemingly the same idea. But in reality, these two words project entirely different contexts. Words have very specific meanings, and the reason why we have a plethora of words to choose from in the English language, so we can strategically choose the right word for each occasion.
To be honest, to be writing about this topic during these times where social distancing is mandatory, I wondered if it was the right time. But then I realized, this is the time to be talking about this. Whether we are face to face with someone in a room or online, we’re still social creatures, and we want to be seen, understood, and appreciated.
So the question is …
HOW TO BE THE MOST INTERESTING WOMAN IN THE ROOM?
… (even if that room is virtual).
In the simplest way, in order to be interesting, one must first be interested (and curious) about new things, experiences, and other people. Think about when you’re meeting someone new, when they’re interested in who you are, asking questions about your story, your life, and what makes you, you. Now think about meeting someone who doesn’t ask any questions about you, but can go on for hours about themselves. Do you notice the difference in the vibe? And then there really are just some people who are so insanely interesting. So interesting you can’t even manage to blink, let alone speak because you’re so captivated by their words. These are conversational unicorns, and you can be one of them.
When you have a conversation with someone who is genuinely intrigued by what you have to say and share, (and trust me, love, you have plenty interesting about you) it’s inevitable that we in turn find that person to be incredibly interesting. It’s a bit of a paradox, but it’s science. Look it up.
But it’s more than just being curious. It’s how you approach life, how you make any situation an adventure, and how you fully embrace every unique aspect about you, the beautiful and especially the weird. It’s in the weird things that light us up that create the strongest connections. After all, our best friends become our best friends because we’re the same type of weird. Because we can be our unapologetic selves. Why not be the incredible babe that you are, all the time.
HOW TO BE THE MOST INTERESTING WOMAN IN THE ROOM
(OR THE WORLD … F*** IT)
It all starts with what you do before you enter that room. It’s a way of life and a mindset. So this will be set up in two parts, before you enter the room, and after.
PART ONE: BEFORE YOU ENTER THE ROOM
- BE CURIOUS: The easiest and fastest way to become interesting is to have interesting things to share. Learning and experiencing new things is your new best friend (not only because they’ll be great stories to share in the future but because it will change how you view and perceive things and in turn make you a great conversationalist). This doesn’t mean learn about topics just for the sake of knowing about various subjects. This is about pursuing things that strongly interest you, because when you do share about them, your eyes will light up, and others will be able to see your passion about the subject and therefore, make you much more interesting to listen to.
- SURROUND YOURSELF WITH OTHER INTERESTING PEOPLE: They say you can see your future based on the 5 individuals you consistently surround yourself with, and it’s been proven true for a reason. If you surround yourself with boring, unambitious, negative individuals, guess what you’ll be as well. But surround yourself with others who have a passion for discovering new things, great conversations, and a great sense of humor, and you’ll be just as interesting if not more because your circle of influence will start influencing you for the better.
- [EXPLOIT] YOUR DIFFERENCES: We live in a society where from a young age we are taught and programmed to fit in and be like everyone else as to not “make waves” and disrupt the flow of things. But it’s the people who stand out and embrace their uniqueness that catch and keep our attention. Think of strange or unconventional things you’re into or quirks that make you unique. Think of stories from your life that are out of the norm. Have you lived in a different country? Have you experienced something only a handful of others have had the opportunity to? Do you sell art? Do you write music? Do you have a unique skill? Have you read over 200 books? Do you have a different opinion about a subject matter that isn’t talked about? Embrace those things. Those are the interesting stories others want to hear about.
- LEARN TO TELL STORIES: Share your stories in a way that people feel like they are living vicariously through you, build up the anticipation, make them laugh, and finish with an exciting ending that leaves them with a “moral of the story” or lesson that would inspire them to go on their own adventures.
- BE OPEN MINDED BUT HAVE YOUR OWN OPINION: People who agree with others on everything can get boring. People want to have discussions, they want to hear what you think, they want new ideas and new perspectives. It’s crucial to learn the art of being open minded. You have to enter a conversation with the intention to understand not just to respond for the sake of speaking. Your aim should be to learn something from the conversation and then form your opinion based on new information and from what you already knew and then have your own twist on the matter to add to the conversation.
PART TWO: IN THE ROOM
- MAKE AN ENTRANCE: Your first impression starts with how you enter the room. It’s about walking in and being the light in the room. You want to look approachable and intriguing, not upset or closed off. Also, be strategic about where you choose to sit or stand in the room. Standing in the back corner away from others gives the impression that you don’t want to be bothered. But choosing to sit in the center of a great seating area that feels inviting for others to gather around is going to exude confidence and curiosity about you that will draw them in.
- ASK GREAT QUESTIONS: It’s not about “pretending” to be interested. You have to genuinely want to discover more about someone. It’s real easy to pinpoint when someone is faking their interest in you, so skip the small talk and ask questions that lead to deep conversation about their lives. Ask thoughtful questions about their passions, their interests, what lights them up, and then actually listen, because their answers will provide you with more fascinating facts and questions to lead you down a rabbit hole of goodies this person is excited to now share with you.
- KEEP AN EYE ON HOW YOU MAKE PEOPLE FEEL: In other words, be present, listen, and make others feel like they’re the only ones in the room. Giving someone your full attention when having a conversation will open so many opportunities for you. When you make someone feel amazing being in your presence, you become magnetic, and they want to spend more time with you.
- LEARN TO READ YOUR AUDIENCE: Different stories are going to capture different people’s attention. Someone who is captivated by art will love hearing stories about museums you’ve visited (or if you paint, seeing some of your work). Someone passionate about music will be intrigued by concerts you’ve been to or music you’ve written. An adventurer wants to hear about your travels and how you went off path to discover something others didn’t even know existed. Or maybe you’re speaking to a foodie, share some of your favorite incredible restaurants or recipes you cook that your friends can’t get enough of. How do you gauge what would captivate them? Ask. Great. Questions.
- WHEN IN DOUBT, TAKE IT UP A NOTCH: Be daring. Be bold. Don’t play it safe. Where’s the fun in that? What makes someone interesting is their courage and adrenaline rush to do something others would never dare do. So share what’s really on your mind, and be unapologetically you.
- STOIC IS SEXY: This is a skill I learned at a young age being a fan of James Bond. The reason he’s so fascinating and magnetic is his ability to always remain calm in any situation, even in the face of danger. It shows confidence in yourself, and in your intentions, because it shows you’re careful about the words you choose and the way you respond to the world. It makes others think, that maybe, just maybe, you know something they don’t and they want to find out what it is. In a world where instant gratification and quick response has become the norm, slowing down to speak and respond with thought and intention is the sexiest thing anyone can do.
Lastly, I wanted to leave this one for the end to emphasize a point.
AIM FOR THE HEART NOT THE HEAD: I learned the best interviewing tip is to aim for the heart. When you come into a conversation from an honest place of curiosity and love, it glows from within you, and it becomes a magnetic force others can’t resist because they feel something different. They don’t feel like there’s a hidden agenda. They feel seen and understood, they feel like they themselves are interesting. They feel, even if just for a moment, in your world, that they really matter. That’s the differentiating factor.
So how do you become interesting? You chase the things that set your heart on fire and not give a damn what the world thinks of who you are.
Through your stories, your interests, your ideas, and your perspectives are how you inspire others to discover the courage to try new things and see things in a new light. That is what intrigues others. That is how you become magnetic. That is how you become the most interesting woman in the room … or the world. We don’t want to limit ourselves now.